Sell My Cookies And Make Me Rich, Little Girl

I’d like to find the recipes for Girl Scout Cookies and make a cheap knockoff I could sell. “Dude!” you might say, what an utterly heartless thing to do to undermine the Girl Scouts. Not at all. You are welcome to donate to your local Girl Scout troop as much as you want. No need to involve some giant corporation. No need to make young girls shill for some corporate entity.

Scratch that, I’d like to steal the recipes for Girl Scout Cookies and give them to Girl Scouts so they could make them themselves. And make the corporation that owns the recipes sue Girl Scout troops. Because they will. These corporations who in the final analysis profit from the labor of young girls must be exposed and embarrassed.

Corporations hide behind a facade of benevolence. We must never take anything corporations say at face value, realizing that truthfulness and accuracy are not their primary concerns. We must learn to push and prod at them so that they reveal their true interests. The truth is, they don’t care about Girl Scouts, they care about making money by making little girls push cookies for them. Corporations do not have values that are not tied to profit. They will hide their profit motive behind little girls, behind pride flags, behind the U.S. flag, they will hide their desire to make money behind all that human beings hold sacred. Allowing them to get away with it will not only reward their utter amorality, it will eat away at our capacity for critical thinking. Corporations have their interests and values, and they are quite different from the interests and values of human beings. The two cannot help being at odds with each other. It is only the propaganda from corporations that leave any doubt in our minds about this.

Go ahead, send an email to a corporation sometime. By all means tell them about how disgusted you are that they are tearing down forests and jungles to provide palm kernel oil for their granola bars. Tell them you will never again buy their product because they shipped production overseas to save a few bucks on labor costs. They will get back to you promptly, giving you a boiler plate explanation about how they are very concerned about the environment and their employees. They will try to baffle you with bullshit, try to make you feel stupid for questioning their morals when they know far more than you, and have nothing but the deepest regard for the planet and the human beings who reside upon it. Send them back a message that lets them know you weren’t looking for an explanation, you were simply telling them that you were done participating in evil and that you suggest they do the same.

Make those who choose loyalty to corporations over humanity and the planet feel the shame they deserve. It’s okay.

You, by right of being a human being and not a corporate tool, have the right to do this. You, a human being who places the planet and its life above profit, have a moral obligation to take control in this relationship between human beings and corporate entities. Being a human being, you are perhaps reluctant to be so presumptuous. Let me assure you that it is they, not you, who have overstepped their bounds. They’re not going to stop, they are never going to stop, until they are stopped. They can only be stopped by human beings.

That’s us, you and me. Don’t feel bad about being a human being, about feeling human feelings and thinking human thoughts. And don’t ever feel like you’re wrong for defending the planet and all the living things that depend upon it.