PLASTIC WATER BOTTLES AND ROBOT DOGS
I’ve always considered plastic water bottles to be emblematic of all that is wrong with our society. Water delivered in plastic bottles was the solution to nothing. All prior generations and civilizations managed to supply their people with adequate amounts of drinking water without creating islands of plastic in the oceans and landfills full of disposed bottles that do not go away.
The Roman Empire was able to engineer aqueducts that delivered water in a far more efficient and ecologically friendly manner. The Segovia Aqueduct is still in service today after 19 centuries, which is about the amount of time a plastic bottle sticks around after it is used and discarded (the actual amount of time for a plastic bottle to break down is at least 450 years). The longest aqueduct constructed by the Romans was the one in Constantinople, which was a minimum of 426 kilometers, which I believe converts to around 28,000 degrees Fahrenheit (I’m not an expert on the metric system, so don’t quote me on this).
Lawrence of Arabia had many adventures in desert-like areas without ever once twisting the cap on a Nestle Pure Life. Christopher Columbus made repeated journeys across the ocean without feeling the need to store pallets of Dasani aboard the Santa Maria. And it is even rumored that Jesus himself spent forty days and nights in the desert without carrying a single Aquafina with him. The long and short of it is, plastic bottles have never been a necessity for animals that require water. We don’t have to pollute our planet in order to slake our thirst. The fact that it exists tells us something very troubling about who we’ve become as a people.
I now see something even more emblematic of our societal sickness than bottled water: Armed Robot Dogs.
Refresh my memory, but what exactly was the problem to which armed robot dogs were supposed to be the solution? Has there been a recent invasion of robot cats I was unaware of? Are there blind robots walking around in need of dogs to assist them in crossing the street?
Don’t get me wrong, if I were an IT guy or an engineer I’m sure I’d love to be working on building robot dogs. Well, at least the less mature aspect of my personality would find it amusing, though I’m sure I’d find something more worthy to spend my energies on. The question is not what you can pay a group of engineers or scientists to put their minds to, we already know they’re willing to spend their time creating nuclear missiles and 3-D televisions. It’s all about the challenge for them, not about what is useful to the average human being. The more troubling question is who is greenlighting this project, and who is picking up the tab on what must be a very expensive endeavor.
Because such a creature is not created by accident. It’s not like Rogaine or Viagra, heart and blood pressure medications they by chance discovered could create hairy erections. No, Armed Robot Dogs (henceforth called ARDs) are an invention that was quite deliberate. Somebody or some group of people decided not only would robotic dogs carrying deadly weapons be cool, it was something that MUST be brought into being.
WHY? Did someone mishear the song by Burt Bacharach and think to themselves “What the world need now is robot dogs, it’s the only thing that there’s just too little of”?
And like bottled water, ARDs arrive on the scene and nobody in the media has any thing negative to say about them. Nobody asked “Do we really need plastic water bottles when virtually every house in America has running water? Do we really need to be creating plastic islands in the oceans?” Likewise, you’re not about to turn on Good Morning America, The View or Morning Joe and hear Michael Strahan, Joy Beyhar, or Mika Brzezinski say “HOLY FUCK! They’re creating armed robot dogs, what the hell are they thinking? What the hell are they going to use them for? Who’s idea was this? Oh, wait, we have a show that’s supposed to inform you, we’ll dig into this and let you know.”
I mean, why not make baby shock collars while were at it? And speaking of babies, what happens when one of these ARDs shoots an infant by accident? Will anybody go to jail or will we ever even know who we should hold responsible?
It makes you question the whole trajectory of our civilization. ARDs are more valued than babies, real dogs, and anyone who runs afoul of robot dogs with guns. It wouldn’t surprise me to hear they used beagles as lab animals in order to develop ARDs.
Is this what we as humans were put on earth to do, to create deadly robot dogs? How does this fit in with God’s plan for us? Or with our plans for ourselves? I’d much rather be known as the Greatest Generation or the Woodstock Generation than the Killer Robot Dog Generation. I’ll bet even The Lost Generation doesn’t feel so bad about themselves, now.
And there are those who say too many people are getting useless degrees in English and Philosophy? You wouldn’t see a philosophy major making robot dogs. And any English major could tell you why killer robot dogs would not be a good idea.
Do you want to tell your grandchildren “I remember a time when robot dogs didn’t roam the streets ensuring the compliance of all human beings.”? Because they in turn will surely ask you why in God’s name you allowed it to happen. What were you thinking? How could an entire generation have had their heads so far up their own asses?
And the only answer you’ll have to give them is “But they danced so cute.”