It’s Okay To Be Happy

I feel awkward admitting this, but I am happy. In times past I would have been ashamed to admit such a thing. Afterall, what right do I have to be happy when there is so much unhappiness, injustice, and suffering in the world?

When I was younger, I would never permit myself too much happiness. I felt there must be something wrong with me if I could be happy in a world with so much suffering. So long as I was unhappy, I figured I wasn’t benefitting from the unhappiness of others. So long as I was unhappy, I could claim solidarity with the wretched of the Earth. So long as I was unhappy, I could not be accused of turning a blind eye to the problems of the world.

The only problem was, my own unhappiness never eased the unhappiness of anyone else in any way. In fact, I can’t help thinking it helped increase unhappiness. And never did it in any way help me to fix the problems of the world.

Despite my commitment to unhappiness, I intuitively sensed the potential that happy people had to bring happiness into the lives of others. I typically disliked such people and used passive-aggressive ways to try to bring them down. It seldom worked, making me even more unhappy.

Occasionally, a happy person would find a way to shine their light directly on me and I couldn’t help being warmed by their happiness. It was impossible to be entirely negative and unhappy with such people in the world. They gave me a degree of hope that I swear to God I could not have survived without, because I had set the impossible task for myself of not being happy until the entire world was happy and all of the major problems facing humanity had been solved.

I was committed to a life of unhappiness not only to prove to myself that I was not being a bad person, I also did it to signal to other unhappy people that I was not betraying them. In my life, I’ve known a fair amount of people committed to unhappiness and pessimism who similarly distrusted and disliked those capable of optimism and happiness. They were good people, people who had been there for me, people who had sacrificed for me. They were people willing to give the very shirt off their back. The only thing they asked in return is that I make a commitment to unhappiness.

I of course acquiesced to their request. They were, after all, my people. We all understood the price that needed to be paid by those who were committed to being moral beings. Through our commitment to unhappiness, we would show the world how important was our cause.

The problem with such a philosophy, I have come to learn, is it inspires no one. Sure, you may show people on an intellectual level that you are committed to justice and the needs of others, but on a purely emotional level, people can’t connect. Because everybody, everybody, wants to be happy. It is a destination we are all hardwired to work towards. All I and others like me could offer anyone was a future full of unhappiness.

We tend to want to remake the world in our own image, which why it is best to seek our own happiness. As Oscar Wilde said, “When we are happy, we are always good, but when we are good, we are not always happy.” The best gift we can give others is to be happy.

Let me be clear about what I mean by being happy. I’m talking about a commitment to finding the good in any situation and finding pleasure in the simplest things in life. I’m not talking about a commitment to making myself happy, simply a commitment to being happy. Truly happy people don’t need a lot to make them happy, and they don’t spend the better part of their lives in a quest for things that will make them happy.

Too often we reach for happiness, as if it was not already within reach. We make plans and goals, telling ourselves if we achieve this or acquire that we will be happy. This is an external or alienated form of happiness, a commitment to achieving happiness in the future rather than experiencing it in the present. It’s an attempt to acquire happiness by appearing successful in the eyes of others. We think our happiness can be achieved by winning the admiration of others. Or more accurately, we can’t imagine ourselves being happy until others deem us worthy of happiness.

And so today I am willing to admit that I am happy. Hopefully, in doing so, I will be able to help people find a greater degree of happiness than I ever did when I was miserable. The kind of happiness we are all able to share. The kind that does not require success or acquisition but gratitude and contentment.

I think we can do this. I think the happier we are as individuals the more we can share that happiness with others. I think the more we can take pleasure in the genuine happiness of others, the more easily we can accept our own.

I believe that in allowing myself to be happy that I am in a better position to work to make positive change in the world. This is a feeling new to me, since negativity so often accompanies unhappiness. It’s hard to change the world in a positive way when you are negative and miserable. Allow yourself just a bit of hope and happiness, though, and suddenly you feel you just might be able to do something, that you might be part of something that makes a difference.

In case you didn’t know it, you have my permission to be happy. Not that you need it.