A Reminder To Transcend Partisan Bickering

This may appear a little too new-agey for many of you, but it has struck a chord in me as it aligns with what a lot of my thoughts have been of late. I watch the increased interest in the upcoming elections and how it causes emotions to crescendo and rational discussion to all but disappear. I watch it as one who sits upon a high hill looking down on a mindless and needless battle of forces that cannot create but can only destroy. I watch it as one who was once as involved in the drama as anyone but now sees it for the unhealthy behavior and waste of energy it is. I watch it like one who grew up in a dysfunctional family and has slowly come to see just how toxic the environment has always been.

A toxic community or family or cult cannot stand the idea of someone leaving it. Such a toxic culture will engage in any sort of destructive behavior to drag others back into the drama, the family, the familiar patterns. And one who has seen it for what it is knows that one must leave it at any cost no matter how deep the love is for those still in it and however much we desire to demonstrate our loyalty to the individuals within the group.

There is genuine love and connection to be found among people in nearly any close group setting. This can never be denied, but there are instances when the culture becomes so toxic that it is an obligation of the individual to leave the dysfunctional situation. Quite often we are willing to sacrifice ourself to the community of which we are a part, but finally realize that to continue to participate in the dysfunction is to spread the dysfunction to others, and this is a step a compassionate and giving person is unwilling to take.

I feel as if our entire political establishment is one big dysfunctional family, and the parents, Mommy Democrat and Daddy Republican, don’t care how much they are messing up their children so long as they are able to score points against the other. The poor children are asked to take sides with one parent against the other, and so many of us do. And in so doing, we perpetuate and worsen an environment that is not merely toxic but fatal.

Sometimes it is the children who must set the example, who must break free of the behavioral patterns they have been taught. It is not lightly done, but there comes a point where it seems necessary. More often, a child wakes up one day and just says “Enough.” A switch is flicked, a cord is severed, and the person realizes they can no longer live such a life. They realize that no matter what the cost, they just cannot go back to the way things have been.

The good news is that toxic cultures can be reformed. Parents CAN learn healthy behavioral patterns from their children, if there are any redeeming qualities to the parent. And if not, if not, the child must learn to deal with the parent on their own terms, setting clear boundaries that must be respected. The child must learn to transcend the toxicity of their relationships in order to find healthy ways of dealing with their fellow human beings.

We have created a tremendously toxic political environment, and when there is such an incredibly toxic environment, it really serves no purpose assigning blame. Whether it is mommy or daddy who is the truly sick one, there comes a point when the co-dependent relationship they’ve both created is the problem that needs to be addressed. The only thing one can do is become the adult in the room and demand others act in responsible and healthy ways. And if they cannot do so, it is necessary to set boundaries so as to avoid sliding back into toxic behavioral patterns and spreading it others.

It doesn’t mean that you do not love those who wish to draw you into damaging and unhealthy engagement with others, it means that you do not let them dictate your own behavior. Having witnessed the harmful patterns of others, it is up to you to transcend those patterns in order to find productive ways of relating to one another, with both mom and dad, and with the world.

The old patterns are outmoded and destructive. There is nothing to be gained by guiding your actions by them. It is like walking through a maze that has no exit. Transcendence is not only possible, it is necessary.